When you’re on a long ass pier freezing cold filming a shitty music video
the other day we were discussing dating and this one dude was like “i don’t see the big deal why can’t people just ask people out without all the fuss” and another guy was like “well you get nervous and you get butterflies in your stomach ya know” and the first dude looked the other dude straight in the eye and said “DIGEST THEM.”
i am the world’s best dragon slayer. you ever seen a dragon round here? no? you’re welcome.
my mom heard the beginning of same love by macklemore and she looked at me and said “when you were 4 you sat in your room and cried for hours and when i asked you what was wrong you said “mom i think i’m black”
i think i accidentally ate some of my grandma’s ashes that were on her bed
MY GRANDMA SMOKES I MEANT CIGARETTE ASHES